Dear Emily - my fears for our daughters and sisters

Dear Emily

I fear for us too.
I read your words, I see your photo that shows me you are a beautiful and loving young mother. Responsible for raising sons. Blessed with a loving husband. Who in your piece sounds wonderful, he takes your hand every evening whilst you walk in your garden- beautiful.

But yet he fills me with fear too because he has read this piece and presumably finds it acceptable.
Why if he loves you didn't he ask what was troubling you?
Or why you were you feeling so stressed?  And how could he help to ease that?
Or and maybe this will shock you why couldn't you just have a good argument, clear the air and have great 'make up sex' or just an exhausted 'I love you cuddle, we'll get through this together' after you realise you are both exhausted and the 'this' is not about 'that'.

You are young parents with the hardest but most rewarding job in the world.

I have been there dear Emily. 4 daughters,  2 years apart in age. Working as a midwife/nurse/childminder of friends children to supplement our income whilst we planted a church.
Yes I have felt exhaustion like that and frustration when Alan my lovely husband didn't get it asked and me to do something so reasonable as help him 'chop onions,' and my anger rose and tiredness spilt over into why he could not see my exhaustion.

But dear Emily my fear is you subject women again and I can't condone or appreciate this piece in any way.

In fact it has troubled me all week.
I have read all the comments, the  fors and against.

I know this response you may never read. I know you will continue to write to a much larger audience of women than will read this response and that is why I fear for us.

My dear feminist sisters I love you all. I love your struggles and your determination to bring equality to our world. Sometimes at the price of your own sanity and even your own lives.

I love that I get to read of your daring to rise up against injustice and that I was able to share that with my own daughters.

I prayed over my girls too Emily, 'tender hearted leader and courageous warrior'.
I believe in them I see them now, they have become these things and I am one very proud mum.

My words to each of my girls was to go and when you find 'the one' then learn to always remind yourself why he was that special someone. And grow with him, stand by him, cheer him on and appreciate why you fell in love with him. Then on that day when you are very tired and he askes you at an inconvenient time to 'chop the onions' and you snap you will have journeyed enough together to get through this. You will be partners together wanting the 'best for one another', learning to prefer one another'. But honestly Emily a good marriage can handle a good argument or heated debate, because unlike your seeming fear of these words my girls are 'fiesty' and they know their own minds.

The submission of one group to another is intolerable whether it is race, social status or gender.
Mutually preferring one another is the most beautiful way to serve.
When I read the Bible I see a picture of a God in Christ who submitted Himself to become like us, took on the form of a servant and showed everyone male and female how that is to play out. 

I truly fear for us if this teaching rises and once again we return to what you say we lack- submission to males.

I fear because not all marriages look like yours dear Emily. Many unfortunately look like your dear Lebanese friend. And if we lived with your teaching when does leaving abuse ever become the thing to do. After all we submitted wives will then tell our sisters 'stay just a little longer, your beauty and submission will stop the hateful words and fists'.
Like that really works for the majority of women around our world. No Emily I fear your words more than the statementsfrom the most strident complementarians, they appear sweet but they are a very ugly pill to swallow for many many women.

Love Bev x

Jesus is.....

We are teaching through John’s Gospel at church and I was blessed with sharing from John 1 v1-18. Have you ever tried to tell someone about a film or a song that moved you to tears or impacted your world so much but you cannot find the words? This passage is very much in my view one of these things; I have not got the words to fully describe how beautiful and majestic it is.The words poetically written speak about a God who chose to subject Himself to the frailty and fragility that is this human body.
Jesus revealed as the word in Greek this translates as LOGOS or Lego meaning – to ‘lay forth’. Jesus becoming the cornerstone or capstone in 1 Peter 2:6 “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

Jesus is the WORD – the foundation we build upon ‘In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Jesus revealed by John as God right from the get go, no meandering around he wants us to know this is who Jesus is.

Jesus is The Light - we read another ‘In the beginning’ in Genesis 1
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
Today we take light for granted, I had the joy of living in Norfolk with my family for 20 years, now if you want to know what darkness is like you need to take a trip into the countryside. The first time I drove off our estate to Sandringham there was no street lamps and I realised for the first time what true darkness looks like, it’s dark! But then we have Jesus who is ‘The Light and He shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.’

The Jews had waited for the promise of a Messiah for many years and John tells us that Jesus came to his own people but they didn’t receive him. The promise of this coming King in Isaiah 9 ‘for to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.’ When we choose to side with Him, he gives us the right to be children of our God and as children we are part of the family of God. We are called to be light to others shining the light of Jesus into their darkness to bring the light of his hope. In the brilliant book by Rachel Held Evans ‘A year of Biblical womanhood’ she speaks about how ‘ in the Jewish tradition there is no word for charity instead they speak of tzedakah which means justice or righteousness. While charity connotes one act of giving justice speaks to right living of aligning oneself with one another that sustains rather than exploits the rest of creation. To living as a family.’ In Micah 6v 8 we read ‘He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.’

Justice is not a one off action it is a gift a lifestyle a commitment to the Jewish concept of ‘tikkun olam’, which translates ‘repairing the world’ or ‘healing the world’. So we see that Jesus God incarnate (think ''chille con carne, which translates 'with meat', incarnation translates 'embodied with flesh')  ‘The word became flesh and dwelt’ (Gk - Skayno- to tent or encamp) He pitched His tent right in the middle of this enemy infested world. In Philippians 2 ‘who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man.’ Came to be the repairer the healer of our world. John the Baptist explains 'this is the one I have been talking the one who is beyond because he was before, the one whose sandals I am not even worthy to untie'. How poignant is it when we hear the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet in John 13. Oh what a Saviour who became a Servant, what a great example, what an awesome God we see revealed in Jesus

Jesus is where divinity and humanity collide in one amazing and beautiful explosion of Grace and Truth.When we read John 1 we see that John The Baptist makes it very clear he is not the promised Messiah, the Theologian Buechener speaks of the 2 voices the Divine and the Human resonating throughout this chapter.

"It is good to have both the voices. The sound the second voice makes is a very human sound, and you need a very human sound to get your bearings by in the midst of the first voice’s unearthly music.
It is also good to have the interruptions. There should be interruptions in sermons too: the sound of a baby crying, someone sneezing, another coughing—something to remind us of just what this flesh is that the Word became, the Word that was with God, that was God.
What it smells and sounds and tastes like, this flesh the Word buckled on like battle dress.
Glory and humanity. Word and flesh. The New Testament itself is written that way: the risen Christ coming back at dawn to the Sea of Tiberias, Jesus with the mystery of life and death upon him, standing there on the beach saying, “Have you any fish?”
Have you any fish, the risen Christ wants to know? Precisely. The Christ and the chowder. The Messiah and the mackerel. The Word and the flesh. The first voice and the second voice. It is what the great text is all about, of course, this mystery, this tension and scandal; and the text itself, with it’s antiphony of voices, is its own illustration.
Somebody has to do the vacuuming. Somebody has to keep the accounts and put out the cat. And we are grateful for these things to the second voice which is also of course our own voice, puny and inexhaustible It is a human voice.
It is the only voice the universe has for speaking of itself and to itself. It is a voice with its own message, its own mystery, and it is important to be told that it was not the Baptist, it was Jesus—not that one standing over there bony and strident in the Jordan, but this one with the strange north country accent, full of grace and truth.
Behold, the Baptist said, that is the Lamb of God. Not this one but that one. We need to know."

This divinity, this mystery and the humanity shout loudly through these verses. Our search for mystery should never be at the expense of the mundane and ordinary clearly we see from this passage that the divine and human meld together beautifully.

After all ‘everything is spiritual’.

 And then we have this Jesus who is the giver of grace and more grace ‘Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.

We have received Grace in place of Grace

The law was given through Moses...

BUT grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now am found was blind but now I see

Grace Amazing Grace freely given to everyone of us, its freely given by our Saviour who came to pitch his tent with us.

He knows you and your journey. He knows your pain and your fears. He knows your joys and your hopes.

He knows you

Grace speaks of safety, protection, room, we are no longer deserted or alone. He has pitched his tent right in your neighbourhood. He comes to bring light into your darkest places and chase away all your fears of tomorrow.

Jesus is …… GOD WITH US

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is the woman ever to blame if raped?

 

This morning I woke up on a high after an amazing night participating in the global initiative of ‘One billion rising’.  A group of ladies here in Bingley West Yorkshire, heard stories from courageous ladies who had suffered abuse at the hands of men and relatives in their lives. We then danced to the song ‘Breakthe chain’ and aligned ourselves with our sisters across the world. When I took to twitter I was incredibly saddened to see the breaking furore over a controversial tweet from @daybreak

"Controversial question - can women who are drunk or flirty ever be blamed for being attacked? Some viewers said yes in survey, yr thoughts?"

This tweet came on the back of the Sun newspaper with a front cover of the model Reeva Steenkamp tragically shot this week by her boyfriend the famous paralympian Oscar Pistorious. They used a photo of her in a bikini and the headlines ‘3 shots, Silence and 3 more shots. Twitter was again aghast with the crassness of this inappropriate treatment of a woman and the hash tag her name is Reeva  Steenkamp highlighting the fact that they did not even name this beautiful woman, but commoditised her to sell their paper.

I was soon brought back to the reality and I spent the day thinking about both these stories and what they mean for women in our world.
I have four beautiful daughters and like any mum I have watched them  go out looking very beautiful (my bias but def true) knowing they were going to have a few drinks and a good laugh with their mates and yes when younger pre-husband and partner days maybe even find a date.  
And yes their hemlines are short as is the fashion today but I think we can safely say rape has always been around even when the hemlines touched the floor. We also know that women are raped in countries where the clothes cover almost every inch of their flesh and they never have one drink of alcohol so we can establish rape is not about what women wear or if she has had a few alcoholic drinks.
No this is lazy and disingenuous reporting and treatment of a subject that as highlighted by ‘One Billion Rising’ is and has been a plague to women over many millennia.

'ONE IN THREE WOMEN ON THE PLANET WILL BE RAPED OR BEATEN IN HER LIFETIME.'

Why is it seen as acceptable to let the rapist off the hook by even posing this question?

‘Can women who are drunk or flirty ever be blamed for being attacked?’

Is this rape acceptable because we could see why that young attractive woman was raped, after all she was a ‘looker’?  How does the word ‘blame’ sit comfortably or at all in this conversation?
So yet again we are forced to debate the subject that Daybreak has highlighted and that some have answered ‘yes’ too. ‘Yes women can be to blame if they are raped, if too drunk or dressed too sexily’ you obviously ‘asked for it’.  If we use this line of thought with other subjects then if your lovely new car is stolen it must be your fault for having something worth stealing.
Why is it that we so easily fall into the trap of thinking that rape is about sex, it just isn’t; but it is about the control and power. The rapist clearly fails to see the humanity in the person and they become an object there to be used and abused.
What are we to think of the rapists who choose the elderly or children?  
We find this action easier to condemn after all the term ‘drunk and flirty’ cannot be used here. We struggle to understand these perverts after all ‘what’s that all about’? It’s just sick!
But as I see it the young woman, the elderly woman, the girl, all of them are vulnerable to a man who would rape.
I also think that if I was a man I would be offended with this question, after all it places all men in the role of a potential rapist if all it takes is sexy attire or too many drinks. Are we not educating males to understand about boundaries and of course, No meaning No?
My hope is that we can see changes to how we think about this issue; the United Nation statistic that 1 in 3 women will be raped or abused in her lifetime has got to be addressed at the highest levels.
The blame culture towards women has to stop we need to recognise that rape is an act of violence and leaves many women across the world badly emotionally wrecked. As the song ‘Break the chains’ says, ‘this body is holy’, let us educate our young men to respect this thought and please can we leave behind this ‘blame mentality’.

 

February 14th 2013

February the 14^th has had great significance in my life for the past 28 Valentines days because on this night in 1984 my beautiful first daughter Jennifer Sarah came into the world all 7lb 13oz of pure gorgeousness.

This year has taken on new meaning for me, not only will I celebrate Jen’s 29^th birthday but I will be dancing with one billionwomen who are choosing to STRIKE DANCE RISE, to raise awareness for the plightof women across our world who are subjected to abuse of every kind.

I am hosting an event where I hope the small group of women that are choosing to come together will collectively know that the part they are playing is significant.

We are rising, choosing not to sit on the sidelines but to get up and dance. Choosing to dance is important the significance of creativity over war, the role of women to give birth to something, to produce and increase, not takeaway. I have the song Break the chain playing constantly in my mind the lyrics running over and over again in my thoughts.

One billion is the statistic that United Nations gives for how many women will be raped or sexually abused, 1 out of every 3 women, its too staggering to comprehend.. As Eve Ensler says on the TEDx talk, One billion rising is a feminist tsunami, a response to this terrifying number.  Having seen the power of the tsunami in Thailand we need to see this power unleashed on our world from this event that hopefully will bring a change to the landscape so totally that women will see a new day dawning.

STRIKE DANCE RISE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'My body's holy'

I am hosting an event for the global initiative One billion rising, It is an event very dear to my heart, as a mother of four beautiful daughters and an amazing granddaughter I think I know a little bit about girls of all ages. My girls like me have grown in a loving home full of affirmation and a ‘you can do it attitude’.  I told them to dream big to reach for what they want in life, we are blessed to live in the West, where education and health is a blessing, in fact we have things in abundance.

This initiative is a reminder to everyone that 1-3 women in their lifetime will suffer at the hands of a rapist or some other violent assault, shocking statistics in everyway.

You only have to watch the news to hear these stories of war and atrocities, to watch the women talk about the abuse they have suffered and when they don’t quite look like you it can give their pain a distance from your own situation. But then these veil-wearing mothers speak of the atrocities born on their bodies and they gasp with sobs at the actions and crimes perpetrated on their beautiful daughters and right there right at that moment she is no longer a stranger she is my sister. One Billion rising in its song ‘Break the chains’ as the words

 

‘This is my body, my body’s holy 
No more excuses, no more abuses’.

 

Can a song with great words or even one billion women rising bring changes? I don’t think with all the will of every one of those women singing and dancing we will see the end of abuse which is obviously of great sadness, but the collective voice can highlight and make a shout out for change. Throughout history great changes came from those who stood to end slavery and lets not forget ‘women’s suffrage’ to which women owe a great debt of gratitude.
So on the 14/2/13 across the globe women will rise and use their talents and voices to proclaim this message. I am going to lead an event where we share our stories, listen to beautiful women sing, we are going to sing together and my challenge to these ladies will be to do what I have done which is way out of my comfort zone and it is to dance. To dance like our lives depend on it because for some women it really does.

 

'I dance cause I love               

Dance cause I dream

Dance cause I’ve had enough

Dance to stop the screams

Dance to break the rules

Dance to stop the pain

Dance to turn it upside down

Its time to break the chain, oh yeah   Break the Chain'.

 

 

 

 

Dancing Queen

I have been dancing today, its not a usual occurrence other than for exercise when I shake ‘my thang’ to Beto and instructions to ‘touch,touch, travel’ for my Zumba work out. I like to think I can dance but to be honest I have 2 left feet and my co-ordination is shocking. But today I have been learning a whole choreographed dance courtesy of Debbie Allen’ a star of the film Fame and the choreographer of the dance for the organisation ‘One billion Rising’ a global day to raise awareness of the abuse of women.
At one point I dragged Alan into my training because for the life of me I could not get the simple instruction to pivot.
I feel that this dance is significant from the opening where we are told to raise our hands to pray to ‘our God’. Then we begin to march to the beautiful voices singing ‘I’m not afraid anymore’.
The vision of its founder Eve Ensler author of the book the 'Vagina Monologues' One Billion Rising is an opportunity for women to use their creativity to come together and say 'no more' to the abuse faced by women on a daily basis across our globe. The statistics that are on the opening page of their website seem too shocking to comprehend, 1 in 3 women will be raped or beaten in their lifetime; as my daughter pointed out this is the same stats for the chances of being diagnosed with cancer; and this abuse is a cancer in our world eating away at our mothers, sisters and daughters.

So today I dance
‘I raise my arms to the sky
On my knees I pray
I’m not afraid anymore
I will walk through that door
Walk, dance, rise
Walk, dance, rise’.

When I wrote about the dance on my facebook page one of my very dear friends looked at the suggestion to learn a dance for this day and this is what she wrote

“I was wondering how this dance would help things. I decided to watch the choreographer's lesson on the page. (You know I am unable to dance because of all "the stuff" - never have been able to, that has never changed.)
Then she got to the part "this is my body. My body's holy. No more excuses. No more abuses" - left me in shuddering sobs, can't stop. I have NEVER heard that, seen that, felt that........... Have to take it in, meditate on it...... try to believe it.
I am not sure if the dance will stop people from hurting women, but certainly that line has been a knife into the mind of this victim of violence and abuse.... I pray the knife will be a scalpel, that will cut out "this is my body, My body hurts me."
My body's holy????? - This morning I have realised.... The most long term damage left over from abuse is the stuff THEY put into our MIND that goes on in our THOUGHTS every moment of every day, affecting how we see ourselves - how we relate to others - how we detach ourselves from our physicality ("this is my vehicle. I travel around in it.")
"this is my body. My body's holy" - I long to be able to believe it.
Thank you.”
Xxxxxxxxxx


I think this sums up what I am sure Eve and her team wanted from this day. So I am choosing to rise and I am going to ask a few of my friends to rise with me, and I am going to dance, yes me with my 2 left feet and I am going sing out loud:

'This is my body, my body’s holy
No more excuses, no more abuses
We are mothers, we are teachers,
We are beautiful, beautiful creatures'.

ONE BILLION WOMEN VIOLATED IS AN ATROCITY
ONE BILLION WOMEN DANCING IS A REVOLUTION

Break the Chains
I raise my arms to the sky
On my knees I pray
I’m not afraid anymore
I will walk through that door
Walk, dance, rise
Walk, dance, rise
I can see a world where we all live
Safe and free from all oppression
No more rape or incest, or abuse
Women are not a possession
You’ve never owned me, don’t even know me I’m not invisible, I’m simply wonderful I feel my heart for the first time racing I feel alive, I feel so amazing
I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
Its time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain
Dance, rise
Dance, rise
In the middle of this madness, we will stand I know there is a better world Take your sisters & your brothers by the hand Reach out to every woman & girl
This is my body, my body’s holy
No more excuses, no more abuses
We are mothers, we are teachers,
We are beautiful, beautiful creatures
I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
It’s time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain
Dance Break Inst.
Dance, rise
Dance, rise
Sister won’t you help me, sister won’t you rise x4
Dance, rise
Dance, rise
Sister won’t you help me, sister won’t you rise x4
This is my body, my body’s holy
No more excuses, no more abuses
We are mothers, we are teachers,
We are beautiful, beautiful creatures
I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I’ve had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
Its time to break the chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain, oh yeah
Break the Chain

Lyrics by Tena Clark
Music by Tena Clark/Tim Heintz
 

Marking the moments,making memories

We have just celebrated our 5th birthday at the Aire Valley Community church here in West Yorkshire. A few years ago we were invited to a lovely Anglican church in Norfolk to celebrate its 750th birthday, now that’s a celebration!
Regarding our celebration a dear friend asked me ‘why celebrate’? It’s a great question and here is why we think it’s important. 

On the 13th of January 2008 Alan, and our daughter Joanne and her soon to be husband Simon and myself, commenced the church in a small village hall. There were 20 of us on that opening service most of who only came to support. 

Alan and I have church planted before and we knew the pressure of wondering who would show up on this first Sunday. We were so grateful that people honoured us by coming even if it was only to support us. 

So why celebrate? 
Every year on the weekend the church started we remind ourselves that as a gathering of people we have come together for the previous 52 weeks growing as a faith community. Fortunately as the weeks go by people attend and by some miracle decide to stay. 


So why celebrate?
Our growing church family are held together by the highs and lows of each other’s lives and at this birthday celebration we look back and remember.

So why celebrate?
We made a decision that everyone is a part of the story, we do not tippex out anyone who has left, or the parts of our story that went wrong (we took on a building that unfortunately we had to leave, it was an expensive mistake in finances and emotions) and we choose to remember.

So why celebrate?

It helps those coming in to the church at various times in the journey attach themselves to the story. This is so important, we all need to feel we belong, every year we do this we see why it matters when we hear the stories and look at the photographs. 

So why celebrate?

And finally just because its great to have time to be together and celebrate.
Any excuse for a party hey.

Here are a few photographs from this years celebration that we will show again in 2014. 

Marking the moments and making memories